How to Avoid One-Way Relationships

Al addresses the major issues discussed in his book “One Way Relationships”. In many marriages there is one person who takes the major responsibility for keeping the relationship viable. When marriages are unbalanced in this way it may be considered a one-­‐way relationship. To bring more equilibrium and health there must be a recognition of this dynamic. Both partners must take responsibility for the contribution to the process. Part of that process is coming to grips with how one loves, and most especially how one loves their spouse.

Some spouses over function in order to get the love they feel they must have. This can lead to dissatisfaction and resentment when their efforts are not reciprocated. Other spouses may have a very low tolerance for emotional connection. These two dynamics can butt up against each other and cause great turmoil.

There are four major reasons that marriages fail. Critical is one of those and it is destructive to the relationship because it destroys the bonding needed to maintain harmony. Criticalness comes from disappointment but what is so often missed is that disappointment is a fact of life. It cannot be avoided. The challenge is to realize that it is inevitable and ask God to reveal why that reality seems to be unacceptable. We live in an imperfect world. Immature love refuses to accept this and becomes disappointed. Mature love accepts and forgives the flaws of others and finds its greatest solace in the Lord.

The three other reasons a marriage may fail will be examined at a later time.

Rev. Al Ells M.C.

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